And…

 As promised, I am reprising the initial unedited entry for this blog in order to help set the context for the 2012 focus on AND What If…?—which begins next week. Enjoy.

Welcome to “And.” As a sociolinguist, I am intrigued by how we use language consciously and unconsciously to create the kinds of lives we live today. This space for thoughts and reflections is entitled “And” as a reminder that nothing said or written is ever the complete picture. Whatever you tell yourself about your day or the value of something you say or do, it is never the entire picture. Why does this matter?

For one thing, we tend to be particularly hard on ourselves—“the presentation wasn’t as good as it could have been if I had prepped more, I was short with the kids, my pants wont zip”—all common noise in our heads—particularly the heads of women. This inner critic runs a 24 hour monologue if you let it. If, however, you stop in the moment you evaluate something, someone else, or yourself, and ask what else is true, you have the opportunity in the moment to create a more complete statement and perspective. The picture, as it becomes more complete, is also more accurate.

“And” is a fabulous little word that can remind you to ask yourself, “What else is true?”

You build your capacity to see the lightness and humor in a situation. You detach from your evaluation and remember that you are not what you do or did. Take the example above. Let’s say the presentation could have been better if you had prepped. What else is true? Did you trip over the podium? Do you care? Was it good enough? Did you have any fun? Looking for what else is true can remind you to be a little kinder and more honest with yourself about the bigger picture of who you want to be in this life. Detach from the labels and notice what else is going on.

An exercise that you might find particularly helpful is to listen for every time you use the word “but” in a sentence. Try replacing virtually every “but” with “and” and watch where looking for what is not working can be put into perspective by seeing everything that is working.

We are more than a set of labels. To see and celebrate the best in ourselves and others, we need to become a bit more conscious of the language we use in talking to ourselves and with others. “He is handsome but lazy” carries a judgment and implicit disapproval. “He is both handsome and lazy” merely states an observation and leaves open the possibility of having more fun with each of attributes, rather than accepting or internalizing other people’s judgments.

So, in the interest of fostering more lightness and openness in how we see ourselves and others, I’m supporting the conscious choice of “and” and will offer insights and perspectives that I hope you find helpful. And…